Can't Stop http://cantstop.org We just can't stop being dirty! Fri, 06 Jan 2012 04:41:07 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 I’ll Cum All Over Your Face http://cantstop.org/ill-cum-all-over-your-face/ http://cantstop.org/ill-cum-all-over-your-face/#comments Fri, 06 Jan 2012 04:41:07 +0000 DeeP http://cantstop.org/?p=73

Can you find my buttons?

Press my buttons right and I’ll come all over your face!

I usually get spread all over your hairy parts

When you wipe me off, I get white stuff on your towel

what am i?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Shaving Cream!

]]> http://cantstop.org/ill-cum-all-over-your-face/feed/ 0 Get Laid Over and Over http://cantstop.org/get-laid-over-and-over/ http://cantstop.org/get-laid-over-and-over/#comments Thu, 05 Jan 2012 19:25:40 +0000 DeeP http://cantstop.org/?p=69

I only get laid once, lucky you!

What if:

  • You only got laid once in your lifetime
  • You only get eaten once
  • It takes you 4 minutes to get hard
  • …but only 2 minutes to get soft
  • The one box you have is shared with eleven other guys
  • And the only chick that sat on your face was your mother…

At least your life is better than the life of an egg!

]]> http://cantstop.org/get-laid-over-and-over/feed/ 0 He Got Stuck! http://cantstop.org/he-got-stuck/ http://cantstop.org/he-got-stuck/#comments Thu, 05 Jan 2012 04:33:32 +0000 DeeP http://cantstop.org/?p=64

There's nothing I can do now but sleep with my burberry bikini top on, and hopefully he will find his way out...

A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed.

“If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?” he asked.

“Yes!” said his adventurous girlfriend.

And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

“Go and get help!” he cried.

“But I can’t. I’m naked and my clothes are gone!”

“Take my shoe”, he said, “and cover yourself.”

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, “Please help me! My boyfriend’s stuck!”

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, “There’s nothing I can do…he’s in too far.”

]]> http://cantstop.org/he-got-stuck/feed/ 0 A Girls First Time http://cantstop.org/a-girls-first-time/ http://cantstop.org/a-girls-first-time/#comments Thu, 05 Jan 2012 04:28:19 +0000 DeeP http://cantstop.org/?p=61

It's my first time, can you please be gentle? Hey what's in your pants? Oh wow that thing grows faster than this fake grass-in-my-ass!

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you’re afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it’s the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he’s gentle like he promised he’d be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he’s done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it’s too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin’?

]]> http://cantstop.org/a-girls-first-time/feed/ 0 Fill My Holes with your Gooey Liquid http://cantstop.org/fill-my-holes-with-your-gooey-liquid/ http://cantstop.org/fill-my-holes-with-your-gooey-liquid/#comments Thu, 05 Jan 2012 04:19:44 +0000 DeeP http://cantstop.org/?p=58

Fill my holes with your gooey liquid...but don't get my lingerie dirty!

You slide me in a slit to get me hot…

Your gooey liquid filles my holes…

You eat me in the morning…

what am I?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A Waffle!

]]> http://cantstop.org/fill-my-holes-with-your-gooey-liquid/feed/ 0 F – - K http://cantstop.org/f-k/ http://cantstop.org/f-k/#comments Tue, 03 Jan 2012 15:42:52 +0000 DeeP http://cantstop.org/?p=34

F - - K You for not figuring this out!

I start with an F

I end with a K

I always get laid on the table…

If you can’t get me, you might have to use your hand

What am I?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A Fork!

]]> http://cantstop.org/f-k/feed/ 0 How To Get F*cked! http://cantstop.org/how-to-get-fcked/ http://cantstop.org/how-to-get-fcked/#comments Tue, 03 Jan 2012 15:37:46 +0000 DeeP http://cantstop.org/?p=28 So I’ve created this wonderful flowchart that describes how to get f*cked!  Notice that there is a specific path that can be followed that actually gets you fucked TWICE in one night!  See if you can find this path.

Thank you everyone that taught me how to use MS Visio, I know you are all proud of me now!

Feel free to print this chart out and keep it handy in your wallet at all times.  Use it as a reference, and thank me when you get fucked!

]]> http://cantstop.org/how-to-get-fcked/feed/ 0 I Can Blow You for a While http://cantstop.org/i-can-blow-you-for-a-while/ http://cantstop.org/i-can-blow-you-for-a-while/#comments Tue, 03 Jan 2012 15:33:15 +0000 DeeP http://cantstop.org/?p=23

Watch out for all the blowing and wetness...I might take your house!

I come and go whenever I please…

I can blow you for a while, but it usually doesn’t last very long…

I have a big hole…

By the time your in my hole, everything is pretty wet…

Unless your in my hole, I can be pretty dangerous

After all of the blowing and getting in and out of my hole, you may lose your house

What am I?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A Hurricane!

]]> http://cantstop.org/i-can-blow-you-for-a-while/feed/ 0 How to Flirt with an Older Woman …Successfully http://cantstop.org/how-to-flirt-with-an-older-woman-successfully/ http://cantstop.org/how-to-flirt-with-an-older-woman-successfully/#comments Tue, 03 Jan 2012 15:20:12 +0000 DeeP http://cantstop.org/?p=16 Flirting with an Older Woman is a fine art that could potentially result in a wonderful evening ;) or just a slap in the face. When trying to “get with” the fairer/older sex, just the quick reference guide below:

DO MAYBE DON’T!
Compliment her class Compliment her ass Be a Jackass
These ladies are already past the point of “wanting a bad boy,” they are older, more mature, and KNOW what they want. They KNOW what they like and what they don’t like. They have that experience. So acting like a bad boy WILL get you punished…and NOT in a good way, so stop getting excited jerk.Try to compliment PERSONALITY more than physical features. But if the time is right, and you are REALLY connecting, go in for the kill and compliment that ass!

Nice Ass! What did you say? I said nice Class!

DO MAYBE DON’T!
Act your age Joke about age once Use “for your age” in a sentence.
She knows that you’re young. She knows she’s older. She ALREADY KNOWS that there’s an age difference, you DON’T need to remind her! That would be like repeatedly telling a weatherman that it’s cloudy, rain will come soon, he would fucking slap you in the face soon.Don’t try to act older or more mature than you actually are, act your age! She’s still talking to you because she’s interested in YOU, not because you can be like her. And, just like in the bedroom, if you fake it, she will know! You MIGHT be able to slide in ONE joke about age, perhaps just to break the ice, but don’t keep doing it! You’ll sound like an old broken take recorder, and that will remind her of her childhood, and she’ll throw you out just LIKE her old tape recorder.

AND, DO NOT under any circumstance use the phrase “for your age”…EXAMPLES of this are: “You look great for your age!”; or “Wow your boobs are quite perky for your age!”; etc. I repeat, DO NOT use this phrase.

Nice breasts. What!? I said nice dress!

DO MAYBE DON’T!
Confidently Dance with her You probably wont romance with her…but you still may be able to advance with her :) Fuck it up!
By now you are in the zone! The master of conversation, good for you! Now break the touch barrier! Dance with her (hopefully your at a place where people are dancing)! It will make her feel young and sexy, which is a GREAT thing for you! Look into her eyes, be confident and strong. Show her that even though she may have 100 years on you, you still have the power to have her! The hard part is over, the rest will come naturally, and hey, maybe you’ll get lucky tonight :)

GOOD LUCK! and Happy Cougar Hunting!

]]> http://cantstop.org/how-to-flirt-with-an-older-woman-successfully/feed/ 0 Top 10 Signs That You Are In Love http://cantstop.org/top-10-signs-that-you-are-in-love/ http://cantstop.org/top-10-signs-that-you-are-in-love/#comments Tue, 03 Jan 2012 15:11:13 +0000 DeeP http://cantstop.org/?p=11

I saw this on the street once...my girlfriend immediately jumped on me. She always follows the rules!

You always hear older people talking about “back in my day” blah blah blah. Well a main thing that was different “back in their day” is the way that they felt LOVE! In this post, we will compare the “OLD Signs” that you are in love (from the old school, classic times), with the “NEW Signs” that you are “in love”.

So, without further ado, here it is! The top 10 signs that you are in love:

THE OLD THEORY:
1. Their laugh makes you smile…
2. When you see them, the world makes sense again…
3. When you hear their voice, you all of a sudden know the meaning of life…
4. You see them everywhere you look, everything reminds you of them…
5. They’re smile is like sunshine to you, lighting up even the gloomiest of days
6. When taking care of them, you forget about yourself
7. When you hear a love song, you close your eyes and imagine their face
8. When you are with them, nothing else in the world matters, and you never want to leave
9. You cherish every single moment that you spend with them, and wish that you could freeze time
10. Even just looking at their picture makes you happy

THE NEW:
All of the above is bullshit, times have changed, and life is much simpler. Stick to the following signs of love:
1. When you ask her to sleep with you, she says “YES”
2. If she says “NO”, you are not in love…
3. …move on to the next chick at the party…
4. Repeat until successful!

]]> http://cantstop.org/top-10-signs-that-you-are-in-love/feed/ 0